Is It Just A Way Of Life?

"We live and learn" is what my mother told me.

In good time, I was saying this to my kids till they turned into teenagers. For womankind, it seems a timeless adage that tucks in a lifetime. Like still waters running deep, our experiences shape our lives and are education in its real sense.

I have lost count of the times I cajoled, “You will be fine” or “Let’s move on”. Not to miss my hot favourite, “This happened for a reason” which I explained more or less including the Providence Perspective: Things happen due to circumstances that are in our control and those that aren’t.

We will see what we can control or change and how. Little did I understand that I was unwittingly steering my children towards being mentally tough. And as nature would have it, a mammoth task for all Moms in more ways than one.

Making my kids mentally tough meant showing them the brighter side of things, ways to be resourceful, building patience, give benefit of doubt, find solutions rather than worry about and dwell on problems.

I learned some important lessons about my children.

Lesson 1:

• Learning is a process and it could be either fast or slow depending on how receptive and “grown up” each one was.

Lesson 2:

• Allow mistakes and failure. Bearing the brunt of expensive mistakes was also part of the game.

Lesson 3:

• Stop the 3 urges: Tell, Advise and Instruct. I had to keep reminding myself to let go.

Lesson 4:

• Learning experiences led to some firm conclusions and deep realisations.

There was war, tears and heartache in the drawn out encounters. Lessons advanced and turned hard hitting with time. My teenagers were now cast in the mould of self-education. Complacency and a deep sense of entitlement was replaced with focus, drive, increased independence, resourcefulness, optimism, ability to make decisions and contingency plans. I truly became an empty nester.

I felt I was a special mom and an enriched individual. I started giving more than the usual benefit of doubt, managed uncertainty and ambiguity and learned how to cope during trying times with increased patience and tolerance. I appreciated "adolescent" space while dealing with little communication. The cherry on top was when house rules got due respect. Silently I revelled.

Tables turned, bridges crossed, we lived and learned.